Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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