Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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