there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
