Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
