I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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