My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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