Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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