When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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