high people should be assigned attendants
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my poor anus
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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