Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
