Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
