Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
