she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
