I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
