I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
