mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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