I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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