i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My feet surprised me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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