thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
