I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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