she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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