it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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