It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
