I just made out with a guy for $7.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
