my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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