He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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