i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
