All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
