i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
