then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
