So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
