You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
