I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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