We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh god it's open bar.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
