There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
