i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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