I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
