He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
