My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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