Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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