i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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