Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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