i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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