did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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