Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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