I cannot find my penis.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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