I will die if light touches me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
