Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
