I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
