8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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