Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
