That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
